For most of my life, I’ve felt that I would go into a mathematical or scientific field. This is what was modeled to me (pun intended). Both of my grandfathers, my father, and my older brother went into mathematical or scientific fields. They have all had success with it. I’ve talked about my social struggles before, but one consequence of struggling socially is that I sheltered myself from other realities. This meant that I viewed my family’s way as the only way, not literally but effectively. Teachers talked about other paths that I could take, but in many cases I did not seriously consider them. I either projected that my parents would not approve of these paths or that it was already determined that I would go into a mathematical field. In reality, none of those things were necessarily true. They really come from an underlying belief that I am not in control of my own destiny, which is again not true. Anyhow, I mention this because I am now challenging this belief. I am taking control of my life and developing a vision. This will not happen overnight, it will require playing the long game.
I haven’t talked extensively about my educational history, to put things into perspective, I will share some additional details here. I have been a business and/or economics major throughout my college studies. I graduated with bachelor's degrees in both accounting and economics. I then completed my general MBA. I did enjoy business studies. However, I struggled with accounting and the mathematical portions of economics. Interestingly, my grades did not suffer. I had found ways to get an A in courses, even when I didn’t fully understand the material. I never cheated, I just studied a lot. Long days reading textbooks and notes and doing practice problems often worked for me. I often disregarded the signs that I did not enjoy accounting or math. I thought that I could make it work. I thought that the prospect of making more money would make me happier. This didn’t happen.
At some point in my studies, I can’t remember exactly when, I realized that I wanted to work in a university. The thought of being a professor, helping students, and researching was appealing to me. Since I was already in business and economics, I simply pursued activities in these fields that might help me work in a college. For example, I worked as a graduate research assistant. Then most recently as a teaching assistant in economics. These were valuable experiences. I learned a lot, but I was missing the bigger picture.
The bigger picture is that I wanted to work in education, particularly higher education. Which begs the question, why didn’t I pursue formal studies in education? There were a few reasons. One is that I thought I could simply transfer my skills from business studies to education, and in some ways that is true. In other ways it is not. Formal programs in education exist for a reason, and one of the main reasons for them is to prepare graduates for work in the field. This is true of any major. Additionally, I also feared that pursuing education, it might be more difficult to find a job. Indeed, at least typically, mathematical and scientific fields have more lucrative career prospects. This is a point that my parents always emphasized. In all, I justified pursuing certain fields that I wasn’t very interested in thinking that I could use them to simply transition into the field that I really wanted to work in. I was not being intentional.
That is starting to change. I just recently applied to a masters in educational psychology. If I truly want to work in education, then I have to be intentional about it. I am confident in my abilities to thrive in this program, should I be granted admission. I am also confident in my abilities to be able to learn and grow to eventually become a successful educator and administrator. However, I have to prove this to others. Just looking at my background, one doesn’t necessarily see an aspiring educator. If I am admitted to, and successful in this program, that begins to change. All of a sudden, I would have a formal education credential to my name. This would provide somewhat objective evidence that I can be successful in the education industry.
To tie this all together, I have not always been intentional in my choices. I prioritized things other than my interests, thinking that I would be able to simply transition into what I am more interested in. When this wasn’t the case, I became frustrated. The answer to this frustration is to play the long game and rebrand myself. That includes formally studying education. As I mentioned, it will not happen overnight. However, I am going to be more intentional and pursue my goal to work in higher education. This is what I want, and I am finally giving myself permission to fully pursue it.
As always, thank you for reading Making my Mark on the world. I really appreciate your support and am happy that you are following along on this journey with me. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing and sharing to see more raw and real posts with insights on personal growth.