Growing up, I had a very jaded view of other people and society. I’ve discussed my difficulty making friends previously, but I also had several underlying beliefs that were influencing me. I felt that people did not want to get to know me. I felt dull and uninspiring. I felt that I could not truly express my emotions without being judged or ridiculed. I was extremely pessimistic. I was also really lonely. Some of that was due to those underlying beliefs, and maybe more so how those beliefs influenced my actions. Why would I put myself out there and take chances if I didn’t think that I was worthy of friendship, or if I thought that people already had their circle of friends and didn’t want to welcome me into it?
The impetus for this blog is growth and personal wellness. As I mentioned in my previous post, this is a bit of a down period for me. Perhaps the biggest struggle for me is still loneliness. I wanted to write this post to express my feelings of loneliness in the event that they might resonate with someone.
I know what it feels like to be alone on a Friday night and not want to be. I know what it feels like to see social media posts of happy couples and think why can’t I have that? I know what it feels like to think that you’ll be single forever. The self-doubt is hard to quell. What am I doing wrong? Am I a loser? I know that it is easy to fall into the victim mentality and to start blaming forces that are outside of your control. This is especially true for me with online dating. My family is fantastic, but one thing that we do not have is height. I am short. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I tend to blame my height (largely out of my control) on my lack of success in dating. This is a victim mentality and is not conducive to success. Further, by focusing on something that I cannot control, it heightens my anxiety.
However, I also know that it is difficult to focus on oneself. After all, for some people it seems like relationships just happen. It comes naturally to them. Why can’t it be like that for me? I know all of these feelings. I know what it feels like to think that loneliness will last forever. Obviating self doubt is extremely difficult.
I also know what it feels like to be lonely in a large group. This epitomizes my high school experience. I’ve discussed how lonely I was in high school in another post. Those high school lunches were some of the loneliest times, and I was in a cafeteria with 200 other peers. Being lonely is far different from being alone. The two can be related, but one can be lonely in a group or not feel lonely when alone.
I am not writing this post for pity. I am writing this post to share what I am working through. I am sharing my imperfections, my thought processes, and my struggles. I have said it many times before, but it is worth repeating here, growth is not always linear. I am normalizing these thoughts and feelings.
To the lonely, you are worthy of love. You are worthy of relationships and living a confident life. I also know that there are people out there who genuinely care and want to help. Therapy or coaching can provide great assistance in the quest to end loneliness. However, they are not a panacea. They are an extremely useful support system that help empower you to do the difficult work of putting yourself out there. Having someone to talk to is really helpful.
To the lonely, I know how you feel. Let’s get through this. I am tired of being lonely. However, there is much hard work ahead to end this loneliness. It will not happen overnight. To Make my Mark on the world, I will have to quell these feelings of loneliness. In fact, that is a primary motivator of this blog. Working through loneliness and developing healthy relationships.
As always, thank you for reading. I am grateful that you are here. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing and sharing. Not all posts will feel this gloomy, but I pride myself in the rawness and realness of this blog. There will be down days and periods, but there will also be happy and brighter days. Come join me on this journey to wellness and companionship. If you are comfortable sharing, please feel free to leave a comment regarding your own experiences of loneliness. Have you had any of the thoughts that I discussed in this post?
This one really made me feel seen, it shows so much empathy and compassion and understanding for others through yourself 🙏
Each post keeps getting more and more powerful, I LOVE this! Bravo 👏